I have always enjoyed talking and learning from my elders. They have seen so much in their many years on earth and I figure if there is anyone I should listen to it should be my elders and especially my grandmothers. My grandma Ita is from a small village in the north called Grand Riviere while my grandma Yolande (pictured) is from Jacmel in the south. When the earthquake struck, my heart and mind immediately when to them; thankfully they and all members of my family survived.
A few weeks after the quake my grandma Ita came to Boston. Her best friend died, they had been friends for over forty years.We were very worried about her. When I asked her how she was doing she said fine. But Haitians never express themselves or talk about their feelings at least those born in my parents and grandparents generation.
My aunt Rose says my grandmother is lonely and wants to return. She doesn't have any friends here, although she has scores of grandchildren and 4 children that all live in Boston. She passes the time with her rosary beads, her thoughts and memories. She is due to return to Haiti in April.
My grandma Yolande in Jacmel lives with her brother Joubert; they look after each other in their old age. I am close to them both, we usually speak every Sunday. The anxiety since the quake hasn't left their voices; it makes me anxious. We try to cover pre-quake topics: work, family, friends, politics, the weather, cooking and cleaning but it doesn't feel the same; its not as light-hearted. Although, my grandma and great uncle are curious about my life and daily routine, I am curious about their mental health. I wonder how they are processing everything, how they are making sense of it all.
Both the Washington Post and New York Times covered the elderly in Haiti this week, they were poignant especially the New York Times article. Naturally my heart ached. To make it to old age in Haiti is a rarity; the elderly only make up 3.4% of the population. They have seen so much in their many years. I am beyond lucky to have two living grandmothers and a great uncle in my life.
My dad's side of the family had just celebrated my grandma Ita's 86th birthday party, she was surrounded by 150 loved ones and just days later returned to Port au Prince with her party photo album in hand, only to have her life turned upside down. I cannot imagine how my grandmothers Ita, Yolande and great uncle Joubert must feel.
I am going to Haiti in less than two week's time to volunteer and check on my family. As much as I want to go, I worry about what I will see and how I will make sense of it all. But I also worry about seeing my elders, how I can be strong for them in this trying time? It is a lot to take in, but I figure, being a witness is the very least I can do.
The perspective of older people can be pretty amazing. Here in Ghana, anyone over 70 has a pretty clear memory of colonial rule, and anyone over 60 is old enough to remember independence. Some of my bosses in the ministry have been in the civil service since ten years before I was born, when it was prestigious and modern and paid well. Sometimes I mention an idea and they say something like, "It's a nice idea, but when we tried it in the 70s the politicians didn't like it..."
ReplyDeleteI usually find it difficult to connect with people who are much older than me, maybe in part because I grew up without grandparents. In Ghana it's especially difficult since few people that old, especially women, went to school or speak much English. But generational gaps are pretty universal, I guess, and if it weren't hard it wouldn't be so valuable when it happened. I really admire you for putting so much effort and care into that connection.
Even though elders are very respected and (at least superficially) deferred to in Ghana, they're basically disconnected from public discourse, media, etc., and their peer groups get increasingly small. I can only imagine it's the same in Haiti. Spending more time asking for and listening to stories is one of my goals for the rest of my time here - here in Ghana, and here on Earth.
Keep up the good blogging!
Thank you Martin, I appreciate you taking the time to read what I have to say but more importantly sharing your thoughts.
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